Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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