I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
