We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
