remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
