I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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