i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
