Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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