I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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