please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
