i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
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This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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