I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
