sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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