Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
