I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this hospital has no fireball
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
