I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
