lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
