it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize