I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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