you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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