Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
