There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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