Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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