There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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