I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
