Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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