So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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