Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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