wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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