This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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