Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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