Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We are two peas in an std pod
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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