is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
