if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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