why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
