The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
