Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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