: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
