Don't make out with my wife yet
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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