I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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