my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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