WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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