I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
