I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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