i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
