I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
