pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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