I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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