Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
