i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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