After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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