im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
