During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
