If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
