Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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