you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
