i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm like, not good at living.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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