i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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