Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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