i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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