I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
