you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
