Don't make out with my wife yet
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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