There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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