The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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