U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
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