Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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