I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
