I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
