Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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