its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
