shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
